Feed Your Spirit!

I was unexpectedly called upon to teach the lesson at the Detention Center yesterday.  Feeling unprepared is good for me.  It compels me to be humble.  I prayed fervently for guidance as to what I might teach these precious friends of mine.  The thought came to me that it would be important for them to understand spiritual hunger.

We talked at length about our personal spirit’s need for nourishment.  We observed that most of us have never thought much of feeding our spirits and that we are quite unfamiliar with the nature of spiritual hunger pains.  While not entirely different from physical hunger pains spiritual hunger seems more vague and subtle to us than growling stomachs do.

We examined together what spiritual hunger feels like.  We considered it to feel like emptiness, homesickness, depression and loneliness, or rather sort of a combination of these things.  I pointed out that Alcoholics Anonymous calls this feeling the “hole in the heart”.  Too often, desperate to fill that hole, we stumble around trying things that might ease the pain.  We turn to physical food, drugs, alcohol, adrenalin and other distractions but come away unsatisfied and left with a feeling of being unfulfilled.

Next we considered things that might be satisfying food for our spirits.  Things like attending church, reading the scriptures, giving heartfelt service, praying attentively to Heavenly Father, writing in our journals, listening to the hearts of others, all were wonderful suggestions.  While these ideas were being bantered around I realized that my spirit feels satisfaction and nourishment from living in an orderly home or working in an orderly manner.  I liked all of these notions.

As we pondered these things I asked the youth to watch during the week for times when their spirits cried out for nutrition.  Into my mind flashed a time that often occurs in my life.  So very often, I stay up past my bed time.  I don’t seem to have any reason for doing so.  Just this empty, unsatisfied feeling that keeps me wanting to stick around for more of my day.  Most times, I find myself nodding off while I play solitaire or some other inane activity.  I discovered that it is very likely that the problem lies in a hungry spirit.  If my body is hungry at bed time, I always grab a bit of cheese or other snack to tide be over until morning.  I think my spirit doesn’t want to go to bed hungry either.  Telling myself that, if I don’t get to bed I’ll regret it in the morning, has never packed much punch at such times.  I think that’s because I’m not really dealing with what’s wrong.  My spirit doesn’t want to end the day unfulfilled and famished for nourishing sustenance.

This week I’m going to experiment with this notion.  I’ve signed up to do indexing on the church family history site.  Maybe a little service at the end of the day, instead of mind numbing solitaire will help sustain my spirit through the night.  Maybe reading something inspiring and uplifting will do the trick.  I’m curious to see if I’m more willing to turn in, if I’ve satisfied my soul’s hunger pains.  I’ll suspect I will.

Will I LET my spirit thrive and enjoy its experience with a physical body by willingly helping it to receive abundant spiritual nutrition?

Happy New Year!

I slept in yesterday having been sucked into another New Year’s Eve activity that kept me up past my bed time. I hate starting off the New Year tired and out of routine.

I awoke to a ringing telephone. It was 10:00 AM. I let the house phone ring until the answering machine picked up. No message. Then my cell phone began to ring. I imagined someone was having an emergency. I didn’t make it to the kitchen in time to pick up that one either. I checked the phone and discovered it had been Jen, trying to reach me. I called her back.

She was pretty upset. John had news that our good friend and Bishop, Josh, is at death’s door. Josh was diagnosed with leukemia a week before he was called as Bishop. He’s been serving for just a few months now. While his health has had its ups and downs since then, he’s maintained remarkably well. During this fall, he’s dealt with a challenging, ferocious disease, a demanding new calling, the birth of a brand new daughter and the specter of a struggling economy. All of this would test any man. Josh has met the challenge with grace, confidence and faith.

I sat down with him in early December for Tithing Settlement. We didn’t have time to talk then. He invited me to stop in some morning for a chat during breakfast. I did that two weeks ago. We had a great visit.

I don’t attend church in our Ward as I am assigned to serve at the local Juvenile Detention Center. It was good for me to have a chance to chat with Josh about his circumstances and challenges. He bore a powerful testimony to me of his confidence in the Lord’s plan for him. Josh is confident that the Lord intends for him to survive this ordeal. I believed him.

So, today’s news was a bit unsettling. Jen and John headed right out to Salt Lake to see the Bishop in the hospital. Such a thing would have been characteristic of me! Somehow, though, I didn’t feel inclined to go. I did, however, spend much of my day thinking of Josh and praying for him and his family. I pondered the news in light of the promises I have and still believe. I wondered how I could reconcile the two, if in fact Josh did die. I know how I felt when he assured me that he was going to be fine.  I still feel that way.  Would I feel like the Lord had jerked the rug out from under me?  Would I be willing to LET Him do things according to His will?

By midafternoon, my turmoil had settled.  I don’t always know what God has in store for me.  What I do know, is that I trust Him.  Some will recover, some will die, some will suffer, some won’t.  All are His and He will care for them in a manner that is best for bringing each of us home to dwell in the eternities with Him.  I am willing to accept life on God’s terms.  What a relief that is.  What joy comes as I relinquish my will in favor of His.

I called Jen around six.  She happily reported that Josh’s situation, while serious, is not grave.  He’ll likely be home in a few days.

It was a neat situation for January 1st.  I’ve often thought that the first day of the year sets the tone for the balance of the year.  Perhaps today is indicative of a year of peril and concern, a year of contemplation and introspection, and in the end, a year of blessings, trust and rejoicing.

Suppose Josh does die a premature death. Will I be willing to LET it be a blessing? Can I mourn and feel blessed at the same time? “Blessed are they that mourn.”

Manipulating God?

Recently I began a new career.  I often, in this new setting, feel like a fish out of water.  Because of the nature of this new occupation, I’m not guaranteed a steady income.  It has been an enormous learning experience to encounter life with such uncertain parameters.

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself down to the final day of a pay period.  Only one day to make enough money to make ends meet.  I woke up early, worrying about it.  I was concerned that I’d made a mistake in choosing this occupation.  I worried that in order to succeed at a livable wage, I might have to compromise my principles.  I feared that I just wasn’t cut out to succeed at such work.

I concluded that for the immediate future, I had no recourse but to carry on – at least until I found another job.  The pressing need was to close a deal in the next twelve hours.  I decided to fast and pray to that end.

I knelt in prayer, initiated a sincere heartfelt fast and plead earnestly with the Lord to bring me success in my efforts.  What happened next surprised me.  It shouldn’t have, but it did.  I heard the Spirit whisper, “Would you manipulate God?”  I was bewildered!  Am I manipulating God?  How? Then, in my heart I heard, “I thought fasting was an act of submission, an expression of humility, a manifestation of your submission of your will to that of Heavenly Father.  You seem to be using it, instead, to twist His arm into granting and sustaining your will.”

A kind and loving Father had gently chastened me.  He had kindly taught me a most wonderful principle.  He had reminded me that, “His hand is stretched out” to me, would I take it and twist?  Do I want things my way so badly, that I would attempt to manipulate God into granting my desires, even if they are contrary to his will?

I mentioned before that I should have known this, should have been sensitive to this manipulative tendency that I have.  Years ago while reading Gandhi an autobiography, I encountered his description of an occasion that also involved fasting.  Chapter 36 is called Fasting and Penance.  Here Gandhi discovers that a couple of students in his Ashram have fallen into sin.  He feels responsible to an, apparently large, degree.  Gandhi decides to embark upon a lengthy fast, as penance for his failure.  He says, “My penance pained everybody, but it cleared the atmosphere.  Everyone came to realize what a terrible thing it was to be sinful, and the bond that bound me to the boys and girls became stronger and truer.”

I do not doubt Gandhi’s sincerity here.  I am quite sure he did feel somehow responsible for the fall of the sinful ones.  My concern is that his method, whether sincere or not, must surely have had the result of putting on the students on a serious guilt trip.  Had his penance been done in secret, God, “who seeth in secret,” would indeed have rewarded him openly.

Putting folks on guilt trips is clearly manipulative and because of it’s nature falls outside God’s plan of agency.  Manipulation is controlling and primarily done to the advantage of the manipulator.   “I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it: wherefore give me thine honor.”  Sound familiar?

I returned to my fast, with new intentions.  “I will cheerfully submit to Thy will oh, Father.”  Then I proceeded into my day with no agenda other than to do His will and keep His commandments.

Friends, God is entirely predisposed in our favor.  His doings are always with the intent to assist us in our journey home.  If that calls for failure in my current venture, so be it.  All I need to do is my best and He will gladly bring me home.  It doesn’t matter to me what course he leads me on, to that Heavenly end.  In fact it is quite an adventure.

So, I quit twisting His arm, and just took his hand…. and…. everything worked out just fine.

Do we fast and pray to get what we want or to get what God wants for us? Which is better?

GET LET YET?

Odd name for a Blog?  Maybe.  I’m going to be spending a lot of time on this blog discovering the meaning of the word LET in our lives.  As I write you will no doubt discover posts entitled:  Let Go and Let God,  Let Go of the Outcome, Let There Be Light, Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts, Let Go Of The Paper, Let My Servant Edward, Let It Go, Let It Be and so on.  This simple word has many facets we’ll be exploring together.  Like a finely cut gem each facet will gleam with new light on our lives and the way in which we choose to live.

Won’t you join me in a quest to discover how and why God blesses us?

GET LET is a personal project.  I have learned a lot already about a few new concepts represented by GET LET.  I suspect I’ve only scratched the surface.  I’ll be writing about my discoveries, but I’ll also be journaling about my life and the real application experiments I conduct as I consider how, why and for whom this all works.

At present I intend to blog in four Categories:

Discovery - Facets of LET I discover and arguments, stories and examples, quotes and scriptures supporting those discoveries.

Journal – Real life experience as I experiment with the concepts discovered in an attempt to personally GET LET.

Book Review – I read extensively and I have found and expect to find many books reinforcing the discoveries I’m making.  I’ll share them with you as we go along.

Quotations – I don’t pretend to be wise or some authority on the topics presented here.  There are many who passed this way before me.  Many have understood life far better than I.  I’ll be sharing their thoughts as I discover them.

So what do I mean when I say GET LET?  I could mean that I want to:  Obtain Permission, be Set Free, become Emancipated, become Allowed to Make Choices, or maybe simply To Understand What LET Means.  I have enough evidence to persuade me that we are not letting God bless us like He’d like to.  But, in terms of application and understanding I must say, I don’t really GET LET yet.  I just hope to.

GET LET YET?